


Don't Leave

by Grey4121



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Delusions, Depression, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, I'm not sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Pain, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 18:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30127218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grey4121/pseuds/Grey4121
Summary: Mikasa has only ever wanted love but Annie was too late.
Relationships: Hitch Dreyse/Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Don't Leave

"I don't think I can be what you need," Mikasa whispered out her face turned upwards to look at the stars in the sky. "I am not the strong and confident girl that everyone at school sees me as. I am," she pauses for a moment her face turning from the stars to the broken concrete they were sitting on. "I am broken. I don't. I don't think we should be together when we're both so young and reckless. I need to be alone and fix myself and to grow more before I can be with you."  
She finishes a single tear rolling down her face as the words fell from her lips.  
It was a silent plea more to herself then the other girl.  
She didn't understand the emotions she was feelings much less did she think she deserved them.  
She believed she was unlovable and unable to give love back herself.  
The love she had seen in her lifetime had ended with hurt and betrayal and even death.  
She needed to push the girl away before more became of them but Annie didn't seem all to fazed by Mikasa's words.  
Instead her face was still the same calm and relaxed one she had when she had confessed moments ago and her confidence seemed to still be high as she dared to ask,  
"Why do you have to be alone to change?"  
Not knowing how to respond the words hung in the air between them like a thick fog and the night sky began to grow darker and the air colder.  
Eventually the silence was interrupted by Armin who had come to fetch Mikasa so that they could go home.  
Without a word or even a glance between the two Annie was left alone to stare up into the night sky as Mikasa made her way back to the house.  
As days passed by Mikasa couldn't help but to stare longingly as Annie.  
But Annie made no moves to talk to her.  
She stared from afar never coming too close but always being within the right amount of distance from her.  
It was almost like she was waiting.  
Waiting for Mikasa to make the next move since she deliberately derailed their relationship before it could begin.  
This got Mikasa to think and as days passed by and Annie seemed to get further and further away from her she begun to ask herself again and again the words that plagued her mind since that night.  
The words that she didn't know if she even had an answer to but was willing to try and find one.  
Why did she need to be alone to change?

It wasn't until another starry night with the moon full and the air cool that Mikasa understood the depth of Annie's words.  
Looking out into the night she remembered that her whole life had gone by where she had only ever seen love end.  
She never watched it grow.  
Never seen it fully blossom but she has seen it in its highest form.  
When she was with her parents.  
It wasn't a perfect love.  
Probably far from it but it was a perfect love for them.  
No matter the argument, no matter the words thrown at each other, and no matter the actions they dealt with, it was the outcome that mattered.  
Without a fault they would always find their way back to each other and apologize.  
With kisses and hugs and a new found patch to their heart they would only grow closer. Mikasa had always thought that their love was indestructible.  
And maybe it was.  
Even if they needed space from the other they would always be right around the corner just in case.  
They never left when it was hard because no matter the changes they faced within themselves or the challenges around then they would always deal with it together.  
They grew with each other instead of growing apart.  
And that's exactly what Annie meant.  
She didn't need to grow by herself when she can grow with her.  
They can figure out the world together.  
They can grow as they go.  
She just needed a little time to accept that this was what she wanted. 

"Armin do you believe in love?" Mikasa suddenly asked stopping Armin mid-sentence. He had been on a rant about how Connie and Jean needed to learn to stop playing pranks at school but Mikasa couldn't wait. She had to talk about her feelings before it became too late and she took back everything she realized that night.  
"I do. I love you and all of our friends. Why do you ask?"  
"I don't mean that kind of love Armin. I mean the kind of love our parents had. The love that makes you want to grow old with someone. Love that actually gives meaning to your life. I want to know if you've ever felt that kind of love because I want to feel it too.'  
It took Armin a moment to process that Mikasa was crying. When he did he reached his arms out and pulled her into his embrace. Rubbing her back Armin hummed a sweet melody in her ear as she cried silently into his chest.  
It was a melody his mother has used to sing to him back when he was younger. It always calmed him down whenever a bad storm brewed. Since he hated storms his mother sang him the melody and told him that no matter the weather she was always gonna be there for him through this song.  
When she died Armin only ever sung the melody for his friends. He loved them more then anything and he wanted them to feel the same feelings of safety he felt whenever he had heard that soft melody so many years ago.  
"I want to feel the love that everyone always talks about. I want to love. It's not fair Armin it's not fair. Why do I have to be so scared of being hurt." Mikasa cried harder.  
Armin couldn't speak for he didn't know of the love she spoke about either . So lost and deprived of the world around them from such a young age it had never dawned on him that he's never been in love before.  
The two sat in Armin's room wrapped in each other's embrace. The only sounds heard was the soft melody from Armin and the choking sobs of Mikasa.  
Reluctantly Armin spoke, "I love you Mikasa but I can't help you learn something that I don't know either." 

The next few days Mikasa watched from a distance as Annie linger closer to a girl named Hitch.  
They seemed to be close friends and Mikasa couldn't help but feel pain as she watched Annie smile and laugh with her.  
It was like how they used to be before that night.  
"Armin are Annie and Hitch good friends?" She couldn't help but ask as she watched the two walk side by side out of the school entrance.  
"I believe so why?" He asked not looking up from digging through his bookbag.  
"No reason." 

"Together." Mikasa whispered out.  
They were together.  
"Mikasa I'm so sorry." Armin tired to comfort her but she was already walking away before the boy could get another word out.  
The world was a cruel cruel place.  
"Love isn't real." She whispered out as she looked up into the darkened sky.  
"Even the sky is sad."  
"Why are you sad?" A voice called behind her.  
Turning around Mikasa was met with nothing.  
Fearing she was going crazy she ran to her car and locked herself inside.  
Slamming her hands against the wheel she screamed as she cried for a love that she never even had.  
"Please don't cry Mikasa. You're too beautiful to cry. What happened baby?"  
Tears flowed down harder as her moms words rung in her ears.  
"I want to love but I don't want to be hurt ever again. I already lost you and dad and my best friend Sasha and even Eren. How am I supposed to try to love if all that ever comes of it is death?"  
"Honey-"  
"No! I thought that I understand! I was so sure that I could love like how you and dad did but she loves someone else now! She said we could try to grow together! To work past it all but she lied! She lied mom. She lied and now I missed my chance mom. I missed it. I missed it. I missed it. I missed it."  
The words grew bitter on her tongue and before long all the tears she had stopped and the rage she felt moments ago subsided and all that was left with her was numbness.  
It was a feeling she knew all too well. 

"Do you think I can see you again? Just one last time?" Mikasa whispered soflty to the picture. Hugging it tightly she sighed as she knew her request would never be made real. The two were gone and all she had was the memories they had made together.  
Sighing she watched as the blood flew down her arm as soft music played around her.  
The depth of the cut seemed to shadow all her worries and so another one was made.  
Then another. And another. And another.  
It was all she needed to stop the feelings from coming back but all too soon the feeling subsided and all her pain hit her all at once.  
"Just a little longer. I can stay for just a little longer." She whispered as she put away her tool and laid on her bed. She didn't care of stains or making a mess. She just wanted to sleep it all away. 

"You can't give up just yet." Armin spoke as he watched Mikasa stare longingly at the girl.  
A double meaning echoing through his words.  
"I can't give up on something that I never had hope for." She responded easily.  
Turning away she walked down the hallway to her next class.  
Armin watched his best friend leave.  
Seeing the pain in her eyes the past month he decided to do the only thing he knew how to do.  
Talk. 

"I didn't realize thats what people thought." Annie stuttered out.  
Armin had cornered her in the hallway and immediately asked her if she was actually dating Hitch.  
It never occurred to her that people would think she was dating Hitch.  
"Who told you this?" She asked suddenly.  
"Jean but I believe her heard it from Historia." Armin responded taken aback by her sudden outburst.  
"Of course Historia would take it that way.  
Where is Mikasa?"  
"I think she went home early. Wasn't feeling too well she said."  
Not even saying bye Annie pushed past Armin and made her way to the school entrance.  
Getting in her car Annie drove to Mikasa's house.  
Seeing her car in the driveway Annie got out and knocked on the door.  
Not getting an answer after the 3rd knock Annie tried the door and realized it was unlocked.  
Stepping inside she called out to Mikasa but no response was given.  
Walking deeper into the house Annie made her way upstairs to her room.  
Opening the door she was met with an empty room.  
As she walked inside the room she couldn't help but notice the blood staining her sheets.  
Sighing sadly Annie walked out the room and stood in the hallway.  
"Where are you Mikasa!" She called out.  
No response.  
"I know you're here please just talk to me!"  
Nothing. 

"Mikasa sweetheart what are you doing?" Her mother's voice called out to her.  
"Mikasa please come down." Sasha and Eren's voice spoke out to her.  
Mikasa closed her eyes.  
"You know I can see you guys again. All I have to do is step forward and we can all be together again."  
"What about Armin and the others? What about Annie? What about the plans you made after high school. You're so close to graduating. Why don't you hold on a little longer." They pleaded.  
Mikasa brought her hands up to her ears.  
"I don't want to hold on anymore. Why don't I get a choice? I want to let go. I've been so tired for so long. I lost you guys too soon! I needed you and I lost you! I know Armin and the others will be fine they dealt with the deaths well they can deal with one more. As for Annie and my plans for after school, well those are crushed like my hope for this world."  
A hand encased hers and brought it down from her ears.  
"Come down."  
Mikasa stood in place.  
"Let me go. Please." Was all she whispered out as tears streamed down her face.  
The hand encasing hers let go and Mikasa felt a rush of emotions as she turned to look at the sight in front of her.  
The sky was a light purple and pink danced on the horizon as the sun set.  
It was beautiful.  
Smiling Mikasa stepped forward into it.

"Annie have you ever been in love? Hitch asked as the two girls sat on her bed in her room.  
A sad smile fell onto her lips suddenly and tears threatened to fall down her face as memories quickly flashed before her eyes.  
That smile and those eyes were all she ever thought about no matter what was on her mind.  
No matter how long it's been Annie could still remember how it felt to be with her.  
Sighing as the memories plagued her mind Annie shook her head in anger, "No I've never been in love."  
Shrugging Hitch leaned forward and kissed her. Annie kissed back.  
That smile flashed before her mind and Annie kissed harder.  
The only thing she could do to erase the pain was replace it with something else and Hitch was all she had to help her.  
The smile soon faded from her mind as Annie undressed Hitch.  
Sooner or later Annie would get rid of her completely.


End file.
